Joke Funny You Should Say That

Funny that when a guy sleeps with tons of girls, he's a stud..

But when a girl sleeps with tons of guys, somehow I'm not one of them.

The problem with Trump jokes:

Republicans don't think they're funny, and Democrats don't think they're jokes.

If you boil a funny bone it becomes a laughing stock.

That's pretty humerus.

My laptop was making funny noises today, it sounded like it was singing...

Probably because it's a Dell

I know global warming is bad

but wouldn't it be kinda funny if dinosaurs made humans go extinct?

A horse walked into a bar

Bartender: Hey

Horse: Yes please

My girlfriend broke up with me because she says I'm too 'controlling'.

Funny thing is, I don't remember giving her permission to speak.

Jokes about the handicapped aren't funny

No one knows what it's like to not walk a mile in their shoes.

How Long is a Chinese name

* That's the joke.

* You have people thinking about how to answer how long the name is. When the actual joke is that the Chinese person is named How Long.

* It's pretty funny to see peoples reactions to this joke and to see how they reply to it when all you're really making is a statement.

How many feminists does it take to screw in a light bulb?

That's not funny

A farmer goes to the market to buy a rooster

He sees one he likes, so he asks the seller:"Is he any good for mating?"

"Oh, no problem there, he screwed every single chicken I had. He even tries to screw ducks, turkeys, even pigs!"

"Then why" asks the puzzled farmer "are you even selling him?"

"You see" answers the seller "lately he's been looking at me kinda funny."

You can explore funny funnier reddit one liners, including funnies and gags. Read them and you will understand what jokes are funny? Those of you who have teens can tell them clean funny humorous dad jokes. There are also funny puns for kids, 5 year olds, boys and girls.

B'dum tsss

A collection of jokes I have found over the years about drummers.

**NOTE:** Before you get offended, I AM A DRUMMER. I FIND THESE FUNNY TOO.

1. What do you call a drummer in a suit? The defendant
2. How can you tell a drummer's at the door? The knocking speeds up
3. What do you call a drummer with half a brain? Gifted
4. What does a drummer use for contraception? His personality
5. Did you hear about the drummer who finished high school? Me neither
6. What did the drummer say to the band leader? "Do you want me to play too fast or too slow?"
7. How many drummers does it take to screw in a light bulb? Five: One to screw it in, four to say that Neil Peart could've done it better
8. Why do guitarists put drumsticks on the dash of their car? So that they can use the handicapped parking space
9. How do you get a drummer off your porch? Give him the money for the pizza
10. What do you call a guy who hangs out with musicians? A drummer

Anyone got any more?

Little Johnny walks in on his parents having sex.....

his father sees him, but instead of saying anything, he gives Johnny a huge grin and thumbs up, then starts to really give it to the old lady. The next night, the father gets up to go to the restroom, and he hears noises coming from Johnny's room. He looks in the door, and Johnny is on top of his grandmother, really giving it to her. Johnny looks at his father, gives him a grin and says, "not so funny when it's your Mom, is it?"

Robin Williams' Favorite Joke

Guy's having sex with his wife. All of a sudden he looks over, and there in the doorway is his son, about eight years old. Kid looks horrified, and the kid runs away. The guy says to his wife, ''Well, I'd better talk to Timmy.''

He puts on his clothes and goes to Timmy's room. He opens the door , and there's Timmy nailing Grandma. The father goes ''Oh, my God!'' And the kid goes, ''Not so funny when it's your mom, is it?"

My girlfriend said period jokes aren't funny...

So I ended up throwing away 3 pages of jokes i had written about the Victorian era.

Why are 490 Romans funny?

Because XD

John Snow.

John Snow was at a bar outside the great wall drinking. A beautiful girl comes inside and her eyes meet his. She likes him, so she goes and introduce herself.

-Hello, handsome. My name is Jenny Spring. What's yours?

John laughs and continues with his drink.

-Why is this funny?

John responds,

-Nothing. I just imagine how rare it would be to have 7 inches of Snow in spring...

Why are mountains so funny?

Because they are hill areas.

I'll show myself out

My dad was showing me pictures of why to wear condoms during sex.

The funny thing is, they were all pictures of me.

In a movie theater crowd watches a movie. During funny moments only one person laughs. Confusingly, he turns around and explains:

"Sorry, I haven't seen the trailer."

[NSFW/Slightly Offensive] What is the best thing about having sex with a Transvestite?

Reaching around and pretending it went all the way through.

*This is my first post here, and I hope I didn't offend anyone too much. I heard this joke in a pub in central Australia and found it way to funny.*

Two cannibals are eating Amy Schumer

One turns to the other and asks, "*does this taste funny to you?*"

The other responds, "*no.*"

An Atheist...

Walks up to the Pearly Gates. God says, "I will let you in if you can make me laugh."

The Atheist asks, "who is the greatest Jewish baker of all time? Hitler. He made over 60,000 Jews toast."

God looks at him and says, "A holocaust joke? That is not really funny."

The atheist replied, "Eh, I guess you should have been there."

Two clowns are running for public office...

It's funny for me though because I live in Canada.

Roosevelt, Churchill and Stalin are taking a coffee break in Yalta...

Churchill takes out a small black notebook and starts writing something down.

"Taking notes?", Roosevelt asks.

"No," Churchill says, "I heard a new political joke about myself this morning. I collect all jokes about myself. I already have over 100 in this notebook."

"How funny," Stalin says. "I collect all jokes about myself too."

"Oh, really?" Churchill says. "So how many have you got?"

"Three prison camps so far."

The funny thing about teen pregnancy is that before it happens all you hear is "Don't do it! You'll regret it! You'll lose your freedom! Make the responsible choice!" Then after it happens, they say "We're a still disappointed, but we can still make the best of this. It's not the end of the world."

Stupid auto-correct: I meant "Trump's presidency" not "teen pregnancy".

I went to a party last night...

..and everyone was watching a movie on the TV. I being introverted, hadn't talked with anyone and was watching movie by myself. When the movie ended, everyone was debating on what to watch next.

I decided to put on the movie I had brought from home. It was pretty funny and had Jim Carrey in it.

Everyone really like it. People started talking to me and thanking me for the movie. No one cared who I was until I put on The Mask.

I kissed a girl in the club and she said, "Oh my God, you've been smoking. It's just like licking an ashtray."

"You non-smokers have some funny habits," I replied.

Explaining a joke is like dissecting a frog.

You understand it better, but it dies in the process.

See what I did there was use the frog as an analogy to show that exposing the inner workings of a joke would essentially deprive it of its life in that it's not funny anymore. I'm drawing a parallel (and so is E. B. White) to how you basically kill a frog when dissecting it to better understand the functioning of its inner body parts, since there is now little left in the joke to laugh at.

!false

It's funny because it's true.

My girlfriend found one of my puns so funny that she flew into space and told it to an alien. Unfortunately, the alien didn't laugh.

Personally, I think she took the joke a bit too far.

Loyalty is very important for my wife...

My girlfriend doesn't care.

Funny how different sisters can be.

Stop bullying fat people, it isn't funny

They have enough on their plate anyway.

"The neighbors hate us."

"The neighbors hate us."
"Why?"
"Well, you remember when we had that bonfire in my yard, and were roasting marshmallows?"
"Yeah, that was really fun."
"And remember how the house up the road caught fire, and all those fire engines came, and we ran to see what was going on, and the wife was crying in her husband's arms, and how everyone looked at us funny?"
"Yeah, I remember! I wondered what we'd done..."
"We were still holding our marshmallow sticks."

I was on a blind date with this girl...

And I told her, being funny is the second best way to get a girl into bed. She asked "what's the best way?"
I said "a big knife."
She laughed and said "you're funny."
I said "wise choice."

When god created man

Gods assistant: Is it done?

God: Hmm, add a little toe to his foot.

Gods assistant: Why?

God: For furniture.

Gods assistant: Furniture?

God: Believe me it'll be funny

Don't you hate it when you're driving along smoking a cigarette, you flick it out the window and you drive for a couple more miles and smell something funny and you look over onto the back seat and sure enough..

Grandma's fingering herself again

What do you call a guitarist without a girlfriend?

A bassist.

(Don't get triggered, I play bass and I find this funny)

Flat Earthers

It's funny making a flat earth beliver angry, but if you push them over the edge then you're only proving them right.

Son, will you pass me the Dop Ted?

"What's a dop ted?"

"You are! You're adopted."

"Very funny Dad."

"I'm not your dad."

How many Germans do you need to change a light bulb?

One. Because we are efficient and not very funny.

Its funny how we all sleep differently.

I sleep on my side, my brother sleeps on his back, my ex sleeps with everybody...that sorta thing.

How much does Santa's sleigh cost?

$0, it's on the house.

With the right delivery, any joke can be funny. Except abortion jokes.

Because there is no delivery.

It is funny how my wife waits for me in the kitchen all night till I come back from the pub...

...just to ask me what time it is.

How many Germans does it take to screw in a lightbulb?

Just one. They're efficient and not very funny.

My 5 year old grandson came up with this joke, and didn't even realize it was funny and made sense: Why did the basketball player go to the bathroom?

Because he was dribbling. 😊

A Holocaust survivor dies and goes to heaven

On arrival in heaven, the Holocaust survivor tells God a Holocaust joke. God says, "that's not funny." The survivor replies, "ah, well, you had to be there."

My wife just stopped and said, "you weren't even listening were you"...

I thought, that's a funny way to start a conversation

My wife just said ' its funny how sex is always better on holiday'

I'll be honest it's not the nicest postcard I've ever received

Two cannibals are eating Amy Schumer.

One says, "Does this taste funny?".

The other says, "No".

If BJ is Bad Joke then what is B+iJ?

Complex Bad Joke.

And if you didn't find it funny, that's because the Joke part was imaginary.

What is the difference between a unicorn and a carrot?

One is a funny beast and the other is a bunny feast.

My mother died a few years ago. I recently came across her death certificate and had a brilliant idea!

"I know how we can bring mom back!" I exclaimed. "Get me a Sharpie!"

My sister, looked at me confused, "Why?"

I pointed to the border of the certificate, "It says 'void if altered'!"

(This actually happened and my sister didn't find it very funny. But we each deal with grief our own ways...)

Funny how things are still tagged NSFW

As if any of us still have jobs

Update: stop bragging about being employed, it's lowering morale /s

Seriously, gay jokes aren't funny

Come on guys.

It's a conversation between me and my 6 y o cousin...Sorry if it is not funny enough for you

him: Knock knock

me: Who's there?

him: A snail

me: a snail who?

him: a snail you threw out of the window two weeks ago asking why

An old man is selling watermelons...

His pricelist reads: 1 for $3, 3 for $10

A young man stops by and asks to buy one watermelon.
"That'd be 3 dollars", says the old man.

The young man then buys another one, and another one, paying $3 for each.

As the young man is walking away, he turns around, grins, and says, "Hey old man, do you realize I just bought three watermelons for only $9? Maybe business is not your thing."

The old man smiles and mumbles to himself, "People are funny. Every time they buy three watermelons instead of one, yet they keep trying to teach me how to do business..."

A simple but funny joke that came from my 100 year old great grandmother last night

She leans in to my mom and says
When is Mother's Day?

My mom thought she was genuinely asking because she forgot, but she then says
Nine months after fathers night

My 4yo's first real joke: Why did the clown go to the doctor?

Because he was feeling funny!

#prouddadmoment

Change for a $15 bill

An incompentent counterfeiter spent all day making his funny money. At the end of the day he realizes he spent all his time making $15 bills.

He figures that the only way he's going to get anything from this batch of money, is to find a place where the people aren't too bright and change his phoney money for real cash.

He travels to a small town and walks into a small Mom and Pop grocery store. He goes to the old man behind the counter and asks him, "Do you have change for a $15 bill?"

The old man replies, "I sure do...How would you like that? An eight and a seven or two sixes and a three?"

communism jokes aren't funny

unless everyone gets it.

I called my mom and told her not to worry, but I'm in the hospital.

She told me "You're the goddamn doctor and this wasn't funny the first time."

It's funny how Jews, Christians and Muslims have fought each other for centuries.

Hindus, on the other hand, never had any beef.

What do you call a person with no body and no nose

Nobody knows

Jokes about murderers aren't funny.

Unless they're executed properly, that is.

The ad in the paper said, "You think you're funny? Tell us your best pun, and you'll win a $200 Amazon gift card!"

Well, I just couldn't resist. I sat down and wrote not one, but 10 of my best knee-slappers, rib-ticklers, and witty turns-of-phrase. I sent my list of comedy gold to the paper, and then began daydreaming about what I would do with $200.

The day on which the paper announced the contest winner finally arrived! I scanned, and then carefully read the full-page of submissions, but the truth stared me in the face. Of my submissions that should have won, no pun in ten did.

My Jewish friend says this is a non-offensive Holocaust joke

A Holocaust survivor died recently. Goes to Heaven and upon meeting God, he decided to tell a Holocaust joke. Then God said "That's not funny", to which the Jew replied "Oh, I guess you had to be there".

I rarely find cocaine jokes funny.

But occasionally, an one-liner makes me snort.

Communist jokes aren't funny

Unless everyone gets them.

My favorite joke for my cake day

I used to make jokes at work during meetings, and I could really get people laughing. Then COVID hit, and all our meetings were online. I'd still make jokes, but no one would laugh...

Not one. At first, I thought it was just because everyone was muted. It turns out, they didn't find me remotely funny.

What's better than enchiladas?

n+1 chiladas.

(sharing this joke I came up with tonight while making enchiladas, because my family didn't find it funny).

The neighbors hate us.

I was wondering where you guys get all these funny dad jokes from?

Then I came to the conclusion that they're just all kept in a dadabase.....

I'll see myself out
🚪🚶🏾‍♂️

SERIOUS: This subreddit needs to understand what a "dad joke" really means.

I don't want to step on anybody's toes here, but the amount of non-dad jokes here in this subreddit really annoys me. First of all, dad jokes CAN be NSFW, it clearly says so in the sub rules. Secondly, it doesn't automatically make it a dad joke if it's from a conversation between you and your child. Most importantly, the jokes that your CHILDREN tell YOU are not dad jokes. The point of a dad joke is that it's so cheesy only a dad who's trying to be funny would make such a joke. That's it. They are stupid plays on words, lame puns and so on. There has to be a clever pun or wordplay for it to be considered a dad joke.

Again, to all the fellow dads, I apologise if I'm sounding too harsh. But I just needed to get it off my chest.

My coworkers laugh at my jokes in in-person meetings, but never in online meetings.

When I asked them why, they said that my jokes weren't remotely funny.

My wife yelled at me "are you even listening to me"

I said "that's a funny way to start a conversation"

Clown Wanted.

Must be available to work funny hours.

What do you call a dad joke with no kids or wives around?

Funny

What do you call a funny group of cows?

a laughing stock

Working from home and told a joke on a zoom call. No laughed

Turns out I'm not remotely funny.

Wife: "That wind outside is intense."

Me: "No, it's outside."

Was a lot more funny when spoken than typed out but I wanted to share

An artist is never appreciated at home

Just happened.

Wife, looking at IMDB: On, hey, that actress was born in Abu Dhabi.

Me: Yeah, I knew that. I could tell by her hair cut.

Wife: Her hair cut?

Me: Yeah. She has an Abu Dhabi do.

Wife: [3 seconds of silence] That was NOT funny.

What do you call a broken bulb and a funny guy?

Dark humour

Dogs and old tech

I work at a veterinary hospital.

We had to give booster shots to a dog today, specifically a Doberman Pinscher.

I noted that we were "updating a dobie."

Many groans were had.

I thought it was funny. :)

forbisforend.blogspot.com

Source: https://jokojokes.com/funny-jokes.html